Simply A Farmer’s Wife


Changing Lanes.
November 18, 2008, 4:30 pm
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First, our trip was awesome.  The hotel not so much.  My nephew kept calling it the helltel in the car on the drive there and we couldn’t get him to say hotel (he’s 5) but little did we know he knew what he was taking about.  The boy had a vision and we didn’t listen.  The hotel was not up to our standards.  We are those people who don’t mind paying $400 a night to know we won’t wake up with a rash because the sheets haven’t  been washed in who knows how long .  Anyway, we stayed on Jekyll Island, GA.  Gorgeous place.  We plan on going again sometime soon and staying in the nice hotel.  The girls did great the first game.  It was very competitive and this was their first out of state tournament so an eye opener for them.  And great experience.  They lost game two and game three which sent us packing on day two.  They shed some tears which was so sad to witness but they know what they are up against when we do the tournament again next year.  The seafood was awesome!  There’s nothing like fresh seafood.  We had salmon on two occasions and crab cakes on another.  Overall a great trip.  I enjoyed being with my family.  I did miss Ashley and the girls though.  I was excited to get home and I came home to a sparkling clean house! 

Last night we had a young women’s mission meeting.  It was fun and something that I’ve been interested in for a long time.  For those who don’t know my whole story hear goes.  I was raised in a Baptist church.  I’m talking every Sunday morning, evening and Wednesday evening.  Summers were spent at church camp which I loved!  We were a Christian family who served the Lord.  We prayed before each meal always, read our Bibles faithfully and I accepted the Lord as my Savior when I was 10 at Pine Springs Baptist Camp.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I remember the walk down the aisle.  The long walk.   I was 10 so everything seemed bigger.  It was a defining moment in my life.  I rededicated my life to the Lord when I was 16 at a Dawson McAllister conference in Dallas.  I knew that I had strayed from the Lord’s purpose and I needed to get on track.  I didn’t stay on track for long.  My walk with the Lord was like one of those old bridges you see in pirate movies where most of the boards are missing and the only thing keeping you afloat is the old string and a prayer.  I wasn’t the perfect Christian.  It took me a long time to realize there is no such thing.  I’ve struggled with my relationship with the Lord for many years.  When I moved to North Carolina 5 years ago I never realized what He would have in store for me.   First my husband.  Ashley.  And then our daughter. Parker.  We settled in his small hometown of Bladenboro after Parker passed away (I’ll get there for those that don’t know) and found the greatest church with the greatest people.  Our lives are changing lanes now.  We are serving the Lord like we should be.  And we are loving every minute of it. 

We started attending a new Sunday school class.  We are called the Emmaus Class.  For those who don’t know the story of Emmaus read Luke 24-13-35.  We love the class and although our participation has been more limited than we’d like it to be we love when we are given the opportunity to attend.  My niece just finised her soccer season and every game was on Sunday.   The class is a mixture of people and ages.  We are the younger young adult class. 

We are getting ready to start WMU again in our church as well.  It has been obsolete for many years because it became more about gossiping than serving the Lord.  I am glad that our Pastor has decided to allow the ladies to do WMU again.  I believe that although the men are the spiritual leaders of our household I think that it’s important for women to also be leaders.  I want to set a better example for those around me.  I want to be a better Christian.  A more obedient Christian. 

I’ve struggled a lot the last two years.  Parker’s death was a test of my faithfulness.  I believe that God expected me to be angry with Him.  Michelle Towner, a dear friend of mine. reminded me during my rage that God understood because He too lost a child.  It  put things into a better prospective for me although it didn’t stop my anger or blame.  I was so pissed at God for taking my little girl.  For making her sick.  For hurting my family.  For destroying my family.  I don’t know why but one day I realized that the journey of grief was not one that I could do on my own.  I got on my knees and I surrendered my heart and soul to the Lord.   I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders and it was amazing.  I realized that letting go didn’t mean letting hergo.  I’ve come so far since May 8, 2006.  I believe that my daughter is an angel sitting beside the Lord I serve.  She is whole, healthy and happy.  She is waiting on me and her daddy and she will never know that we were ever a part as time doesn’t exist in Heaven.  I get goose bumps still when I think of that.  It brings tears to my eyes now as I type it out.  He spared her so much and gave her life so much meaning.  He chose us to be her parents because He saw something in us  that we never saw in ourselves.  What an amazing gift He gave us.  I look at Parker’s life and death differently.  It’s taken almost 3 years to get there.  It wasn’t easy and I still backslide every now and then.  Holiday are hard.  Really hard.   But just when I start to feel down I’ll feel the wind and I’ll know it’s her and that all is alright.  Life isn’t supposed to be easy.  But I do believe it’s what you make of it.  I could have turned out to be some pain pill popping addicted person and by the grace of God I’m not.  We see his love and mercy in her life and death.  Our family isn’t whole in the sense we thought it would be but we are parents to an angel and that is amazing. 

I know that I’ve jumped around in this post but I hope that somewhere along the line I made some kind of sense. 

Serving the Lord has never been as important as it is to me now in the time of my life.  My true conviction happened only a few weeks ago and it gets stronger daily.  You’ll see some changes in my blog and in me.   No more Negative Nancy because I do believe that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me! 

I ask that you pray for us.  That you pray for me.  And please continue to pray our country.  I know that I might lose some of my readers and I might offend some of you but remember that this blog is about me and my life.  And a huge part of my life now is the Lord.  Please stay open minded to the things I say and always feel free to ask questions. 

I better wrap up.  I have a long night ahead of me!  I’ll post some pictures soon of our weekend.  I’m so proud of my niece.  What a superstar she is!

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4 Comments so far
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I’m so proud of you. I know the struggles you face in your walk with the Lord- all Christians struggle, some more than others. But, if we didn’t, then we wouldn’t be human and we wouldn’t see our need for a Savior. Again, I’m so very proud of you and wish we lived closer together. You amaze me with your strength and determination!

Comment by South Carolina Mom

Wow, thanks for sharing more of your story and your heart Jessica. I’m really proud of you in the steps and strides you’ve taken in your walk with the Lord. I’m sure it seems like it’s taken a while to get where you are, and the rest of your life to get where you are really going, but what a journey it will be!! Praise Him who is worthy of our praise!

Comment by Amy's Blah, Blah, Blogging

Great post – love you guys!

Comment by risingangel

Wow…what a story! Glad I found you. Shauna designed my blog too. So I thought I’d check yours out.

Thank you for being so open and sharing what has hurt and helped you most.
God is the ultimate healer.

Comment by wanda




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