Simply A Farmer’s Wife


A quick much needed vent
April 8, 2009, 2:35 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So, everyone around us is either having babies or pregnant.  Ashley’s brother had a little girl on Wednesday.  The girlfriend smoked the entire 9 months and had a healthy 9 lb 10 oz baby girl.  I did everything perfect and Parker had less than a 1/4 of one lung people.  She didn’t even weigh what a sack of potatoes weighs.  She never took a breath on her own.  Never. 

My brother is expecting in August.  He found out what he’s having today.  A girl.  Seriously. 

Two of our friends are due in September.  I don’t know how I’ll make it this year without having a nervous break down.  The reality is we will probably never have any more children.  The only child we were ever able to have died in our arms.  CDH has robbed us of so much and I’m so pissed off. 

I don’t want to hear about anyone being pregnant or anyone having babies.  I don’t care.  I just don’t care anymore.  I know that sounds selfish but until you bury your baby don’t judge me.  In one month I’ll celebrate her 3rd birthday at the cemetery again.  It’s not fair.  It wasn’t 3 years ago and it won’t be in 10 years. 

I don’t know what to do except just hide away.  My heart cannot handle much more of this.  I thought I was okay but I was so wrong.  I know its the time of year.  I know it is.  I’ll engulf myself in the foundation and I will try to survive the next year.   Please say a prayer for me.  I really need them right now.

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hey Jess, I think you are allowed to vent every now and again. You are still, and will always be in some way, hurting. Who wouldn’t be in your position. As long as you don’t let that hurt and bitterness define you, I would say it’s perfectly natural. It’s your child…your child.

I think I’m confused why you are saying you won’t ever have kids though, did I miss something?

Comment by Amy

I know there is no right thing to say so I won’t try to find it. We love you. Please call if there is anything we can do or if you just need to vent some more.

Comment by c ashworth

Jess,

I am praying for you. I pray that the Lord will make His presence known to you, and that you will take comfort in His strength (Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 11:4-5).

Comment by SCmom29732

It’s not fair. Never was – never will be. We’re here when you need us, Jes. We love you!
XOXOXOXO

Comment by risingangel




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