Simply A Farmer’s Wife

Another CDH Angel.
May 29, 2009, 11:26 pm
Filed under: CDH

Wednesday morning Clarissa Ann Jones passed away in her mommy’s arms at Duke University Medical Center.   Her family had been staying at Parker’s House.  We are so saddened by her passing but know that God and all the angels welcomed her into Heaven. 

Her funeral is Monday at 3 pm in Elizabeth City, NC.  Ashley and I will make our way their Sunday night.  We have attended only one other funeral of an infant and that was Seth.  I don’t know how we’ll make it through the next few days but I do know that this mom and dad need us to be strong and we’ll do just that.  Please keep them in your prayers as they prepare to bury their child and learn to live a life without her. 

I am so angry that CDH has taken another life.  That CDH has robbed another family of their child.  Of all the memories, laughs and smiles.  It’s why we do what we do.  It’s not a hobby but a promise we made to our daughter three years ago and a promise we make to every family who is diagnosed with CDH. 

Please keep the family in your prayers.  If you’d like more information on the services please visit Twiford Funeral Home.

Master Bedroom Makeover
May 21, 2009, 1:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags:
I’ve spent the last few weeks cleaning out my house and all the unnecessary junk that I’ve had stored under beds, in closets, in drawers and anywhere else I could squeeze something.  I sometimes buy things without putting much thought into them and since our house is a small one we don’t have tons of space to hoard things.  I’ve been watching Clean House lately and have felt somewhat inspired to get our home organized.   I’m usually a neat freak but my house has managed to take a turn for the worse lately so I’ve been cleaning little by little.  The guest room is done and it’s gorgeous.  I still would like to get a headboard for the room but that can’t always wait.  I have my eye on one in particular from Ballard Designs  but I’m waiting on the go ahead from the hubby.  I don’t make big purchases without his approval first. 

The office just needs some cleaning and organizing and it’s done.  The bathroom done.  The kitchen a few updates like a new floor, new curtains, blinds, and a new backsplash.  That room will have to wait.  You know for a small house we sure do a lot of reno projects!  I truly thought when we purchased this home 3 years ago that we’d stay here for 5 years and then build our dream house.  The economy has us rethinking our plan.  We LOVE our home.  We can’t imagine selling it or renting it.  We are thinking about moving our home to our land and adding a master suite, bigger kitchen and a huge living room.  We could do it cheaper than purchasing a new home and we get to keep the home that helped us start our lives over when Parker died.  This home truly was and is our saving grace. 

So the point of this post is our master bedroom.  It’s not luxurious.  It’s not romantic.  It’s blah.  I love our furniture.  I love our bedding.  I hate the arrangement which we are going to fix this weekend.  I am not crazy about the color because it’s really not a color.  I’d love a soft lavendar or a blue but not sure how that would work in the room. 

Our Bedding
Our Bedding

Our furniture  is a distressed whitewash finish.   I want a bedroom that speaks volumes about who we are and that we can escape to at the end of what always seems to be a long night.   My first move is to take down our ceiling fan (ouch) and put in a chandelier.   I love my ceiling fan and it breaks my heart to take it out but I think a chandelier would be more fitting in our room.  I found three I love but of the three one I refuse to pay $999.99 for and of course it’s my favorite.  Isn’t that how it always works?





I’m going to rely on my gal over at The Lettered Cottage  to help make this process easier.  Layla is a genius when it comes to decorating.  Well, the master bedroom needs a major cleaning so I better get to it.

May 15, 2009, 1:11 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

So, we managed to survive Parker’s birthday, angel day and Mother’s Day.  Her birthday was wonderful.  We went to Raleigh (2 hour drive) to pick up her cupcakes which were delicious like always.  My niece had a spring musical that night so we headed to that and then celebrated Parker’s birthday at Miyabi’s.  It was a blast!  We had cupcakes and released turquoise balloons to end the night.  It’s so bittersweet as I know my sweet girl was watching over us all day.  It’s hard to believe she’s been gone three years. 

My mom and younger sister were in town for 5 days and we hated seeing them go home.  I’ve tried a million times to get them to move here but it’s not working.  Maybe a baby would do the trick….  A baby is great bribery!  We’ve talked about having another baby but we want to wait until next year.  I’m losing weight and I’d like all of the depression weight to be gone before we try again.  And we’d like to take some more time to enjoy each other.  Who knows what’s in the cards for us.  We don’t call the shots so we’ll wait and see what God has in store for us. 

I’m going to start working on the laundry room/sun room this weekend.   While my mom was here we got it cleaned out and so all I need to do is start painting.  I have a vision of what I want put I also have three humongous dog kennels that I have no idea what to do with in there.  It makes decorating difficult and challenging.   Until we build our fence we have no where to put the girls.  I refuse to leave them outside in their outdoor kennels and I they are too big to bring inside at night and plus they stink.   Like a dog plus 3. 


This is my dream room.  I could see myself sitting in this room reading a book or sleeping or blogging.  The room has so much potential but again the dogs.  It also stores our washing machine and dryer but those are easy fixes.   I have my eye on a new set but I seriously doubt there is any type of negotiating, bargaining, begging, pleading with Ashley that would get me these until ours absolutely break down and don’t function anymore.  Although I could make that happen…..


I could easily decorate around this gorgeous piece of furniture!  I’m trying to get motivated to get the room done but to be quite honest I’m so sick of painting.  We are still painting at Parker’s House and it gets old.  Really old.  Really fast.  Once I’m done with the laundry room I’ll be done painting in our house except for a few minor touch ups in our bedroom which is our next project.   I’m going to do some clean up in the flower beds this weekend too.  Ashley’s best friend owns a landscaping business and he’s hooking me up with some bushes.  I need to rearrange the flowers I currently have and I’m going to buy some more.  I need some color but I like flowers that are low maintenance.  I’m not a green thumb.  More like a black thumb.  I’m all about the curb appeal though.  I think it makes even the smallest and coziest of homes (like ours) stand out among the rest. 

Well, it’s late and I’m rambling so I better hit the sack.  I have a busy weekend as my niece has her last soccer tournament in Wilmington this weekend and then we have a new family moving in to Parker’s House.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!

We Are Okay.
May 11, 2009, 11:14 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Just wanted to thank everyone for the emails, comments, phone calls and cards.  It’s hard to  believe that she is 3.  It’s even harder to believe that she is  gone.  We managed to survive her birthday, angel day and Mother’s Day.  

We are okay.

Happy Birthday, My Sweet Girl.
May 7, 2009, 12:38 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

My Dearest Parker,

     Today you are celebrating your third birthday in Heaven.  It’s so hard to believe that you are three years old now.  Somehow I am still three years later at a total loss for words on what it was like to be with you in the final moments of your life.  Trying to memorize every single detail of your sweet face and fragile body.  Knowing that it would be the last time I would see or hold you until we met again in Heaven.  Time has flown by at a miraculous pace my sweet girl but there isn’t a day that’s gone by that we haven’t felt the pain and sorrow of your passing.   

      Your life has given us so much in the 3 years you’ve been gone.  I have tried over and over to not let your death define who I was and yet the more I tried not to label myself through you the more I realized the impact you have left on my life. Your life redefined who I am as mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. You are the most important thing that has ever happened to me and I can’t help but be moved and touched by the giant impact you left behind and the gifts you have given me.

           You taught me so much in the short 20 hours that you graced our lives.  I remember the exact moment we made the decision to remove you from life support.  The hardest decision we have ever had to make.  I watched you in your daddy’s arms gasping for air and I remember the moment you took your last breath.  I felt a part of me die.  It was honestly the most bittersweet moment of my life.  I knew the moment you died your sweet body entered the beautiful gates of Heaven whole and healthy but it also meant that I would never see your smile, hear your laugh or cry, see you graduate from high school, help you pick out your wedding dress or see your become a mother.   I felt like I had been robbed of so much and now I know that it’s all part of the plan that God has for our family. 

       Your life has humbled me in so many ways.  Your daddy and I have grown closer together through our challenges although it hasn’t been easy. We’ve seen some dark days but we always knew that in the end we would still be standing side by side.  On so many occasions we were told that marriages didn’t survive in situations like our own but our marriage has survived.  Your daddy and I continue to grow and change daily from this tragedy and I believe we will for the rest of our lives.   How does losing a child not somehow change and reshape who you are and how you live? 

           The legacy you left us is amazing beyond words.  I never imagined that your life would be what it is today.  You have left behind something life changing not just for us but for every single person who hears your story.  I promised you as you lay fighting for your life that I would die telling your story and I assure you that nothing has changed.  The foundation and Parker’s House are just the beginning of our journey together.  Thank you for trusting us with so much. 

           I don’t know that time heals the pain but I know that time has given me the opportunity to sort things out.  I have found peace with your death.  And I am trying to put my heart back together piece by piece.  I think the most valuable lesson that I have learned from you is that the true measure of life is not the type of experiences we go through but rather how we grow because of them. I have grown from everything that has happened, Parker. If someone would have asked me a year ago to find purpose in your loss I would have been angry. But I know I am a better person today. I know that I am a stronger and more kindhearted person because of your life and death. 

           You’ve given me so much, Parker, but more than anything you have given me hope.  Hope to carry on each and every day.  You are more than just my daughter.  You are my guardian angel.  You help keep me grounded.  And you’ve taught me that it’s okay to be broken and fragile.  You’ve taught me that life truly is what you make of it.  I embrace all that you have given me and taught me.  I hope I’ve made you proud, Peanut. 

     Thank you for touching my life in so many ways.  Today you celebrate your 3rd birthday sweet girl and I feel your presence just like every day.  I know that today we are together because you live forever in my heart.  Until we meet again sweet girl……

     You are forever loved.

     You are forever missed.

     You are never forgotten.

     I love you, Peanut.