Simply A Farmer’s Wife


Happy Birthday, My Sweet Girl.
May 7, 2009, 12:38 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

My Dearest Parker,

     Today you are celebrating your third birthday in Heaven.  It’s so hard to believe that you are three years old now.  Somehow I am still three years later at a total loss for words on what it was like to be with you in the final moments of your life.  Trying to memorize every single detail of your sweet face and fragile body.  Knowing that it would be the last time I would see or hold you until we met again in Heaven.  Time has flown by at a miraculous pace my sweet girl but there isn’t a day that’s gone by that we haven’t felt the pain and sorrow of your passing.   

      Your life has given us so much in the 3 years you’ve been gone.  I have tried over and over to not let your death define who I was and yet the more I tried not to label myself through you the more I realized the impact you have left on my life. Your life redefined who I am as mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend. You are the most important thing that has ever happened to me and I can’t help but be moved and touched by the giant impact you left behind and the gifts you have given me.

           You taught me so much in the short 20 hours that you graced our lives.  I remember the exact moment we made the decision to remove you from life support.  The hardest decision we have ever had to make.  I watched you in your daddy’s arms gasping for air and I remember the moment you took your last breath.  I felt a part of me die.  It was honestly the most bittersweet moment of my life.  I knew the moment you died your sweet body entered the beautiful gates of Heaven whole and healthy but it also meant that I would never see your smile, hear your laugh or cry, see you graduate from high school, help you pick out your wedding dress or see your become a mother.   I felt like I had been robbed of so much and now I know that it’s all part of the plan that God has for our family. 

       Your life has humbled me in so many ways.  Your daddy and I have grown closer together through our challenges although it hasn’t been easy. We’ve seen some dark days but we always knew that in the end we would still be standing side by side.  On so many occasions we were told that marriages didn’t survive in situations like our own but our marriage has survived.  Your daddy and I continue to grow and change daily from this tragedy and I believe we will for the rest of our lives.   How does losing a child not somehow change and reshape who you are and how you live? 

           The legacy you left us is amazing beyond words.  I never imagined that your life would be what it is today.  You have left behind something life changing not just for us but for every single person who hears your story.  I promised you as you lay fighting for your life that I would die telling your story and I assure you that nothing has changed.  The foundation and Parker’s House are just the beginning of our journey together.  Thank you for trusting us with so much. 

           I don’t know that time heals the pain but I know that time has given me the opportunity to sort things out.  I have found peace with your death.  And I am trying to put my heart back together piece by piece.  I think the most valuable lesson that I have learned from you is that the true measure of life is not the type of experiences we go through but rather how we grow because of them. I have grown from everything that has happened, Parker. If someone would have asked me a year ago to find purpose in your loss I would have been angry. But I know I am a better person today. I know that I am a stronger and more kindhearted person because of your life and death. 

           You’ve given me so much, Parker, but more than anything you have given me hope.  Hope to carry on each and every day.  You are more than just my daughter.  You are my guardian angel.  You help keep me grounded.  And you’ve taught me that it’s okay to be broken and fragile.  You’ve taught me that life truly is what you make of it.  I embrace all that you have given me and taught me.  I hope I’ve made you proud, Peanut. 

     Thank you for touching my life in so many ways.  Today you celebrate your 3rd birthday sweet girl and I feel your presence just like every day.  I know that today we are together because you live forever in my heart.  Until we meet again sweet girl……

     You are forever loved.

     You are forever missed.

     You are never forgotten.

     I love you, Peanut.

     Mommy

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8 Comments so far
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Tears…lots of tears (thanks for making my cry at work!). You are an amazing woman. Your faith is inspirational. Your marriage is to be envied. I know Parker is so proud of what you and Ashley have accomplished. She’s in Heaven telling everyone, “That’s MY Mommy & Daddy! Look how wonderful they are and look at all the families they are helping!”

Happy 3rd Birthday Parker.
Much love,
Brad, Kellie & Carter Myers

Comment by Kellie

Jes & Ashley,
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you today as you remember Parker on her birthday. It’s hard to believe it’s been 3 years. Zoe’s 3 year angelverary will be in June and Seth’s 1 year birthday is as well. You’re right, time does fly. They say time heals all wounds but it doesn’t. You can never forget!! Every moment with your child is precious because it is a gift from God. We may not understand now why He chose us as the parents of these precious children but we will one day. And by that time we won’t care because we will have our precious angels in our arms again.

Happy Birthday Parker Reese Singletary!! Thank you for all you’ve done for CDH families and all you continue to do. Because of you we along with other families have been able to stay close to our babies with no other worries. Because of you I met your mommy and daddy and so many others that understand what I’ve been through and we can support each other. Because of you I have new friends for life. I know you were there to welcome Zoe and Seth as they entered the gates of heaven and I thank you for that. Thank you for looking out for them!!

We love you guys and miss you!!

Comment by April Van Dyke

Beautiful and touching, just like Parker. Thank you for sharing with us- Parker’s story, her life, your life, all of it. Thinking of and praying for you.

~T.C.

Comment by SCmom29732

What a lovely post for such a lovely little girl. You are right, there is no way you could go through something like that and not be forever changed. I’m so proud of you myself for how you’ve changed and grown, I’m sure Parker is too!

Comment by Amy's blah, blah, blogging

Hi Jessica,
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and Ashley on Parker’s birthday.

Comment by Darcy

Thinking of you today, Jes. I know you miss her and it’s so hard, but you’ll see her again someday. This life is just the blink of an eye compared to how long you’ll get to spend with your girl.

Happy Birthday, Parker!!

Love you,
Bethany

Comment by bethany

Happy Birthday sweet Parker – send your Mommy a sign – and stay out of God’s Office with Cecilia.

Jes and Ashley – you never forget – nor will many others … sending you prayers and lots of thoughts too

Comment by Elizabeth

Stay out of God’s office with Cecilia – I love that! I can picture it so vividly! Two tiny Angels giggling and snickering as they tiptoe around (yes, they tiptoe too!).

Jes – you have an amazing way with words, but I imagine the words come easily when speaking to and about such a wonderful little girl.

You have what I like to call “stubborn determination” because you get so fired up, excited and determined about things – I love it! You have more than fulfilled your promise, but I’m sure Parker won’t let you off the hook that easy. 🙂 You are doing AMAZING things, Jes!

You have a spirit like I have never known. I imagine Parker is the same way. Maybe that’s why she is with Cecelia in God’s office – lol. She’s probably redecorating it!

Jes – you make me so proud every single day.

Little Miss Parker Reese – Happy 3rd Birthday!!! You are a precious, precious gift. You will change the world, little one! Your mom is pretty darn special….but you already know that. This message is late, but I’m sure you were a tad busy keepin’ up with mom on your birthday anyway. 🙂 Take care of mom & dad -they miss you like crazy and sometimes need a little extra lovin’.

Happy birthday again, sweet angel – you are missed.

Jes – I think we need to invest in a Kleenex company. Ugh.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Comment by risingangel




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