Simply A Farmer’s Wife


Awesome News.

I’ve been meaning to share this with y’all for quite some time now but just haven’t had the opportunity to really sit down and spend some quality time on it.  So today I decided that I would just do it before I forgot again or didn’t have the time.  Story of my life.

Anyway, Brad and Kellie Myers are staying at Parker’s House right now.  Actually they are at Duke right now in labor and hopefully Carter makes his grand entrance soon.  On their multiple trips to Duke they shared with the doctors up there about The Parker Reese Foundation and Parker’s House and the doctors started asking questions.  They wanted more information and were impressed with our mission to help CDH families.  So, long story short they asked for our info and we made some contacts and are in the process of scheduling a meeting with the CDH team at Duke for possible sponsorship.  I have spoken with 5 doctors, one was actually Parker’s doctor, and a social worker.  They are all very interested in working with our foundation on many different levels and supporting Parker’s House.  This news is overwhelming and I cannot even begin to explain what it will mean for families of CDH.  We are so excited to be working so  closely with one of the top facilities in North Carolina that we have to continue to pinch ourselves. 

We still cannot believe that after 10 months our foundation has grown to be what it is today.  We are so proud of all the people behind the scene that give countless hours of their own time and money.  We are so blessed to have the sponsors we do.  And we are especially blessed  that people are praying for our mission.  We believe first hand that prayer is powerful and it’s why we always ask you to say one for us and for all families past, present and future. 

We are in the process of opening our Chapter in Texas and are super excited about that.  We’ll have a Chapter in Texas y’all!  How freaking awesome is that?  Before long there will be a Chapter in every state.  We will change the face of CDH as we know it today.  We are making great efforts and strides to fund research, advocate awareness and support families affected by CDH. 

I am proud of what we’ve accomplished thus far and I know that with time our foundation will be even greater than it is today.  There are days when I question if I can do this or if I have the energy to do this and then I’ll get an email from a family and it confirms that I’m doing the right thing.  

We have some other really awesome things up our sleeves and I cannot wait to share those with y’all as they develop.  We are going to have a huge open house/anniversary party for Parker’s House next year so y’all start making plans to be there!! 

 

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It Still Stings Two Years Later.

Today 2 years ago we were diagnosed with a rare birth defect known as Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia.  For those of you who know our story you know the impact this day had and continues to have on our lives. 

I remember sitting in the waiting room with Ashley.  My legs shaking badly because I knew something was wrong with our little girl.  It was a gut feeling.  We made our way into the room and for almost an hour and half they took measurment after measurement of Parker.   When we were told about her CDH I felt my world changing in the matter of seconds.  I knew we would walk out of that office and our lives would never be the same.  I cried for days wondering what would happen to our little girl.  A little girl we were told we would never have.  A miracle from our Lord. 

I don’t know how to confront this day each year except to honor our little girl and those babies who have been or will be diagnosed with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. 

We have met many wonderful people through this journey.  Too many to mention.  We are thankful and grateful to each of them for what they have given us.  This journey would not be possible without God and our family and friends.  Thank you to each of you! 

Well, now that I cannot see through my tears I’m going to close.  Please just say a prayer for us as this day is a hard one and means that her birthday is a month away.  Wow, how time flies. 



Calling All CDH Blogs.
March 12, 2008, 9:34 am
Filed under: CDH, CDH Awareness, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia

If you have a blog about congenital diaphragmatic hernia or know of someone who does please email me at jes_singletary@yahoo.com as I am putting together a special project for families of CDH.  Even if you think I have your blog please email me anyway. 

Thanks!



March of Dimes – March for Babies
March 5, 2008, 11:23 am
Filed under: CDH, CDH Awareness, March for Babies, March of Dimes

Take the time to read our story and donate! 

If you are able to walk on our team please join us!

http://www.marchforbabies.org/JessicaSingletary 

Thank you,

Jessica and Ashley 

 



My Place In This World
February 20, 2008, 10:12 pm
Filed under: CDH, CDH Awareness, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, Family, Loss, Love, Parker, Prayer, Sadness

The last few days have been hard.  Really hard.  I started blogging because I needed a form of therapy without really going to see a therapist.  I didn’t want to be one of those people.  You know that kind that need saving.  I didn’t want others looking at me as though I was weak.  Or crazy.  I wanted to shield myself and make others believe that I was okay.  The truth is folks I’m not okay. 

I am weak.

I am fragile. 

I am mad. 

I am angry. 

I am hurt. 

I am lost. 

This journey, aka grief, is one that I was never prepared for.  Saturday Ashley and I went to look for headstones.  Imagine that for a moment.  I mean actually imagine it.  Two people.  Husband and wife.  One 31 years old and the other 27 years old.  Walking around the hundreds of headstones like two zombies.  Neither of us could keep from crying.  And just being pissed off.  Our daughter is turning two in a few months and instead of buying her toys or clothes we are purchasing her a headstone.  It’s definitely not what we had planned but it’s our lives. 

We found one.  I guess it’s perfect.  I mean nothing in my eyes could ever be good enough for our little girl.  We are happy with it and what it will say.  We go to order it on Saturday.  I felt like I had had the wind knocked out of me that day.   Have you ever had that dream where you are running from someone and you are screaming but no sound comes out?  Yeah that’s my life on a daily basis.  I feel like I’m screaming and no one is hearing me.    I will never be the person I was I suppose.  I don’t know that I want to be that person again.  I wasn’t happier then but hell I’m not happy now.  I am so surprised that I’m still married.  That he hasn’t gotten up and walked out.  God I wouldn’t blame him if he did.   I am such a mean person.  I am such an angry person.  Most of my life is a lie.  It’s one big facade.  I do and say what makes others happy because I can’t stand the looks I get or the lectures.  I am just so sick of it. 

I just want my little girl back.  I want to hold her one more time.  I want to kiss her lips again.  I want to smell her.  If  I had known my time with her was so limited I would have memorized every detail of her.  I would have never left her side.   I go to her grave more often now than I was.  I enjoy my talks with her.  And yeah I know she’s not there.  A grave is a place for those left behind to memorialize and grieve at.  I realize my daughter’s soul was never there as she had a place in Heaven long before she took her last breath.  The grave yard is a very peaceful place.  I read her stories every now and then.  I imagine myself rocking her as she twists my hair and sucks her thumb.  The images of her are vivid.   So much so they are heartbreaking.

Most people don’t realize that grief isn’t just an emotional pain but a physical one too.  There are days when my body hurts so bad for her that I can’t sleep.  I made an appointment today to go see my doctor and get back on some medication.  I need it.  I know I’m not right without it.  I know that one day I will be but that day isn’t today.   And tomorrow my mission is to find someone to talk to.  Someone far more qualified than this blog.  Someone who can help me find my place in this world. 

We aren’t ready to be parents again.   That too is heartbreaking as 10 of my friends are pregnant.  My joy for them gets lost sometimes because of my own fears and insecurities.  It’s not fair to them and what kind of friend am I?  Really. 

My faith in God is steadfast.  I trust Him.  And there are days when I refuse to let go but I know once I do He’s there waiting on me.  I wish I could give Him control.  I wish I could find the peace I pretend to have.  I wish I was as happy as everyone thought I was.  But more than anything my wish is to find myself again.  To find God’s grace in everything.  Not just the good but the bad too.  To not be so contradicting.  To be more trusting.  To learn to love again.  I am terrified of loving again.  I never knew that kind of love until I knew Parker.  It’s amazing beyond words.  And her death can’t take that away.  Nothing can.  I will love her to the ends of the earth and back, Always. 

Please lift us up in prayer as we travel this journey with no tour guide or map.  We are winging it y’all.   And gosh neither of us are really good at stuff like this.  Prayer is a powerful thing people.   We have witnessed that fact many times.  If nothing else I hold onto the promises He has made me.   So that’s all for tonight.   I am off to try and get some sleep.  To try and find that one dream where is everything is perfect. 



Happy Birthday David.
February 19, 2008, 4:16 pm
Filed under: CDH, CDH Awareness, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, Family, Friends, Loss, Love, Prayer, Sadness

Today he celebrates his first birthday in Heaven. 

Please pray for Crystal, Justin and Jonathan.

They are amazing people with an amazing story.



The Jack Ryan Gillham Foundation
February 5, 2008, 10:25 am
Filed under: CDH, CDH Awareness, Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia, Turquoise

Through this journey we have met so many wonderful people.  Each of them inspired to do things never thought imaginable before their diagnosis of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH).

Bethany and Matt are two of those people.   Their son, Jack Ryan, was born on July 6, 2007 and lived a short but wonderful 5 weeks.

This organization is one that will help change the face of Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH).

They are joining hundreds of others in the  turquoise ribbon campaign and bringing awareness to Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH).

Please take the time to read Jack’s story and pray for this family as they embark on this wonderful journey.

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The Jack Ryan Gillham Foundation