Simply A Farmer’s Wife

The newest member of our family!  She’s absolutely adorable and her name is Teagan!  I totally forgot to blog about her so here she is!!!

So, I was laid off  last week.  Nice severance package.  I’m not sad about leaving because I’ve been thinking about leaving for a while now so I could focus on the foundation.  I believe that all things happen for a reason and I believe that God has a purpose for me and it’s with our foundation.  After being laid off I received an email from Duke.  We are expecting 3 families in mid May and then I received another email from an undiagnosed family who moved in Tuesday night. 

I have a list of projects that I can work on and I”m so excited about that.  My house has been neglected for so long because when I would get home at night I’d be exhausted and we always had something to do.  I have already started on my “to do” list and I am super excited about the end results. 

We had a wonderful trip to Charleston.  We ate the most amazing food at Henry’s on Market Street and took several tours and visted a plantation.  I have tons of pictures to share but haven’t downloaded them yet.  We plan on going back in the summer and this time we plan on taking the husbands and leaving the kids. 

My brother-in-law will be back from Bogota in a week and a half.  We are super excited as he has been deployed now for 7 months.  I know my sister, niece and nephew have missed him so much!  We have too!!  Things haven’t been the same without him gone and I know Ashley would like to have another male in the mix. 

Parker’s birthday is coming up and I have so many mixed emotions like I do every year.  It’s so hard to believe that our little girl will be 3.  I ordered her cupcakes from our favorite place in Raleigh and we are doing a simple cook out with family.  My mom and younger sister are coming to visit for a week and I’m so exicted. 

There’s a lot going on here these days.  I’m back to painting the bathroom!

So, everyone around us is either having babies or pregnant.  Ashley’s brother had a little girl on Wednesday.  The girlfriend smoked the entire 9 months and had a healthy 9 lb 10 oz baby girl.  I did everything perfect and Parker had less than a 1/4 of one lung people.  She didn’t even weigh what a sack of potatoes weighs.  She never took a breath on her own.  Never. 

My brother is expecting in August.  He found out what he’s having today.  A girl.  Seriously. 

Two of our friends are due in September.  I don’t know how I’ll make it this year without having a nervous break down.  The reality is we will probably never have any more children.  The only child we were ever able to have died in our arms.  CDH has robbed us of so much and I’m so pissed off. 

I don’t want to hear about anyone being pregnant or anyone having babies.  I don’t care.  I just don’t care anymore.  I know that sounds selfish but until you bury your baby don’t judge me.  In one month I’ll celebrate her 3rd birthday at the cemetery again.  It’s not fair.  It wasn’t 3 years ago and it won’t be in 10 years. 

I don’t know what to do except just hide away.  My heart cannot handle much more of this.  I thought I was okay but I was so wrong.  I know its the time of year.  I know it is.  I’ll engulf myself in the foundation and I will try to survive the next year.   Please say a prayer for me.  I really need them right now.

It’s hard to believe that it was three years ago today that Parker was diagnosed with CDH.  It’s the day that literally changed our lives.  Forever.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember the doctors face when he came in and I knew immediately that something was wrong and then he said those three words, congenital diaphragmatic hernia.  What the hell is he talking about is all I could think.  I remember my body going limp as he said “your daughter has a 50/50 change of survival.”  I hate this day for so many reasons but mainly because it robbed me of the last month with our daughter.  I worried constantly.  Didn’t sleep.  Cried all the time.  CDH sucks.  I hate CDH.  I hate what it did to Parker and what it took from us.  I don’t know how today will go but please keep us in your prayers.  Our lives have never been the same since.  The legacy Parker has left behind is beyond amazing and we will continue to fight for CDH families despite what others say or rather lie about.  There is nothing that will stop us from doing what we set out to do a year ago.  I ask you today to take a moment and pray for all the CDH families, past, present and future.  And thanks for taking this journey with me.  In one month Parker will be 3.  It’s hard to believe and it makes me cry just thinking about it.  I’m off to get some work done and I hope that somehow I manage to make it through the day without crying.  Thanks to all of you have been such a huge support to both Ashley and myself.  We can never repay any of you for that but know that are eternally grateful.

My sister, niece, nephew and myself are going to Charleston for Easter weekend.  We all need a break from reality and the everyday scene of North Carolina.  Ashley and I fell in love with Charleston 3 years ago and we make it a point to go back every year.   He’s not going this year 😦 because duty calls and that makes me sad because it’s “our” place but I’ll still somehow manage to drag myself out of bed at the Francis Marion and do some shopping on King Street.  My sister has never  been and I am so excited about getting to spend some time with her and show her around gorgeous Charleston.  The kids are excited for many different reasons and all my nephew cares about is if there’s a Target so he can buy a game for his DS. 

We had something really awesome happen to us on  Monday.  Something we’ve been keeping a secret for a while now and it’s time to let the cat out of the bag. 

Several months ago Duke University Medical Center approached us about the foundation.  They asked for a meeting and tour of Parker’s House.  We agreed without hesitation.  For those who don’t know Duke is where Parker was born.  They took excellent care of her and for us so to be potentially partnered with them would be amazing. 

Well we finally met on Monday.  The meeting was wonderful.  I won’t share all the details for personal reasons but if you’d like to know more you can email me privately.  Long story short we are now affiliated with Duke and are working hand in hand to help support CDH families better.  We are going to be able to count on them for so many things and vice versus.  We had a wonderful and very successful meeting with them and what an opportunity to meet so many wonderful doctors.  Ashley and I left the building patting ourselves on the back and high fiving each other.   Folks we’ve put some long hours and lots of money into the foundation and we deserved this recognition from one of the best hospitals in the state and nation.  I cannot tell you what it will mean for CDH families delivering babies in NC and what it will mean for CDH research and awareness.  I get goosebumps just typing it out.  Please keep us in your prayers as this new partnership gets started.  We are still in awe and have found ourselves pinching ourselves several times a day to make sure we aren’t dreaming.   Huge kudos to the women and men who work behind the scene and to those of you who have supported us from day one!  We are beyond blessed and will continue to fight CDH head on!!!

The guest room is almost done.  I’m putting it back together tonight and will be excited to have my office back to normal and functioning.  Ashley made a path so he could get to the computer and it’s quite a pathetic sight y’all.

I’ll be painting this weekend.  Story of my life.  I’ll be glad when all the painting is done but I have a feeling that will never be the case. 

Change of subject….. Ashley and I got to meet Davis on Monday night and what a treat.  He smiled really big at me and mom and dad says he never does that.  Can you imagine the smile on my face then and now???  He slept in my arms for about an hour and I loved every single minute of it.  He reminded me of why we have made all the sacrifices we’ve made to make this foundation a success not for us but for CDH families.  I am beyond excited for when I get to meet Carter and Bodee.  The boys inspire us every day to fight with everything in us. 

Well I better get going.   I am so glad it’s Friday!